On an extremely windy Saturday afternoon at Chaoyang stadium the Beijing Barbarians were taking on Russia United in their 3^rd IFFC league game of the season. A beautiful clear blue sky provided for excellent conditions, however not quite compensating for the crappy field. With a large running track circling the pitch and no ball boys it was looking like a lot of running was going to be done off the pitch.

After the previous game’s defeat against Afrika United, the Barbarians were looking to bounce back with a strong performance and getting three points. However, with Captain Mo still out and Keeper Carlos injured, as well as central defensive rock Keith having bent over the wrong way and injuring his back in the process some changes had to be made.

All the details after the break!

The starting line up was the following: Barbarians B goalkeeper Shaw was starting between the sticks, with Phil Lowes, Laurence Garner, Andrew Robertson and Kenny Bain starting in defence. In midfield the Barbarians lined up with Henry Manual, Nathan Dilliway, Stewart Fry and Alex Dorangeville. Upfront, as usual, the dynamic duo of Dirk van den Elzen and Kevin Plume were ready to cause havoc.

The toss was lost by the Barbarians, which meant the team had to start the game playing against the wind. Manager Bradbury’s pregame pep talk reminded the players of the early goal conceded against Afrika and implored them to be switched on from the first minute. This warning was promptly ignored as Russia United scored with their first attack in first minute when their left winger ran down the side, crossing the ball into middle where the Russian striker calmly slotted the ball into the back of the net leaving the keeper no chance. 0-1 before the game had begun.

Not an ideal start to the game. The next few minutes were somewhat promising, with a beautiful cross from Alex Dorangeville being met by Kevin Plume, who’s shot just barely missing the target. Just when the Barbarians were starting to find into their game, another set back dampened spirits when in the 15^th minute some shaky Barbarian defending once again allowed the Russian left winger to make a run down the flank, only to then calmly hit a precision shot into the lower right corner for the 0-2 lead.

This was the Afrika scenario all over again, but this time the Barbarians were determined to fight back. In the 16^th minute a well-taken free kick taken by Laurence was headed on by Kevin Plume to Henry Manuel who blasted his shot just wide. A few other chances left begging when in the 30^th minute the referee whistled for a foul against the Barbarians about 10 yards outside the box. This is where things get absurd. After the wall was set up and the Russians were ready to take their free kick, the referee moved into the spotlight. The Russian standing over the ball, tapped the ball to his teammate. As soon as the first player touched the ball Kevin was rushing to attack the shot and duly blocked the attempt. The referee didn’t like it and decided to give the free kick once again. Kevin’s protestations were rewarded with a yellow card. The free kick was taken again and this time it was Nathan rushing at the shooter as soon as the ball was touched and once again the shot was blocked. The referee didn’t hesitate one second and rewarded Nathan with (his customary) yellow card. This is were things got a bit mental as the referee was refusing to explain his decision and the Barbarians feeling hard done by as they did everything by the rule book. This led to several minutes of heavy discussion with the ref, which ended with Stewart telling his teammates to ‘f***ing back off’ in order for him to talk some sense into the ref and Nathan substituting himself off out of complete frustration. The free kick was taken again and once again didn’t lead to anything, however the abuse being shouted at the referee from the Barbarians bench was too much for the referee to handle who whistled, interrupting play and bringing the ball right next to the Barbarians bench, awarding another free kick to the Russians. A somewhat odd decision and certainly not the standard operating procedure. The Russian taking the free kick was so perplexed he just kicked it softly to the Barbarian defender. This incident most definitely put the team out of sync and before we knew Russians scored their 3^rd goal of the day with a shot from outside the box.

Having regained their composure the Barbarians had a few good chances, with John’s shot hitting the side netting after some nice combination play between Kevin and Stewart. Another good cross from the wings, this time from Kevin met the head of Stewart who was unlucky not to score. Just before the end of the half there was another massive demoralising set back when the Russians scored their 4^th goal with a clear offside goal. Half time didn’t come a moment too soon.

Some strong words were expressed during half time with the Manager making his disgust well known, equating the performance to ‘absolute dog shit’ and other choice words. Nonetheless the 2^nd half brought more of the same with the Russians scoring the 5-0 after running down the right wing, passing the ball into the middle where the striker struck the ball into the goal.

The Barbarians started to finally find their rhythm creating several chances with Nathan’s shot just missing the goal, a dangerous cross from Greg threatening the keeper and a free kick from Nathan providing Andrew with his first chance of the day. But just as before, as soon as the Barbarians got a few chances Russia countered and put the ball into the net. 6-0 on account of a clearance landing right at the feet of the Russian attacker who had to just stick his leg out and score.

This was enough embarrassment for one afternoon and the Barbarians launched continuous attacks with debutant Thomas Housham crossing the ball into the box where Nathan’s header just barely missed the target. A corner kick in the 63^rd minute was headed into the goal by Laurence. 6-1. Henry Manuel, Kevin and Stewart linked up well and Stewart’s shot was tipped over the bar by the goalkeeper. Goal kick (?!). Another perplexing decision by the referee who by all accounts and even by his somewhat low standards had a piss poor game.

A free kick by Kevin in the 70^th minute led to a corner. A shot by Nathan was well saved by the keeper and finally an 85^th minute handball by the Russian defender inside the box provided the Barbarians with a penalty. This was calmly and confidently converted (twice!) by Andrew, who blasted it into the left side of the goal, leaving the goalkeeper without a chance.

The game finished 6-2 and was a somewhat disappointing result for the Barbarians. The Man of the Match vote went to Stewart, closely followed by Laurence, Andrew and John. Although as somebody put it ‘you cannot polish a turd’ and this was a dismal performance all around. The Buggery Fucker went to Nathan for substituting himself and the referee for his various mysterious decisions.

On a more positive note, the Barbarians did not let their defeat dampen their party at the ‘By the Tree’ put in San Litun in the evening, where there was a massive turn out for Philip Lowes going away party. Phil has been a stalwart Barbarian for years and will be leaving Beijing to go and eat sausages in Germany. He will be missed and we wish him and his family all the best.